How much pain can one man take
by CutePoison
Summary: Michael's reaction to learning of Sara. Warning, spoilers for season 3!


How much pain can one man take, how much before it over rides his sense of what is right, makes him something he once feared he would become, before he gave up such luxuries…

He's known pain; pain has been a life long friend. From as far back as Michael can remember he has felt too much, let too much get to him.

And now…Now all his knows is pain…

"Show me the pictures; show me the pictures, Linc…The pictures"

The real pain began as Michael looked into his brother's eyes, seeing the lie that couldn't quite make it to Linc's lips despite the fear of the domino affect of damage the truth could do.

Even now the words; his brother's lips forming them were still etched with clarity in Michael's head. "She's dead, Michael. I lied to you, I'm sorry, but if you don't break out today, they're gonna kill my son, they're gonna kill LJ…"

A blinding rage of pain blotting out everything that came after…

From some far off place he heard Lincoln's pleas to help him save his son, "We've gotta do this. We've gotta do this Michael!" From some far off place where he stood alone, where he would always stand alone…Now, now that she was gone…Now that she had been taken from him.

Reflected in tears, in pools of blue, the stirring of emotions was held in check until he could get away. He needed to find a place where he could let his guard down, a place that had only existed with her…

A deserted hallway, cold and dirty his only refuge, sweaty fingers closing over the lone photograph…Eyes devouring it…all that he had left of her.

Staring hard until the rage filling his soul spilt out of him. The injustice of her death moving through his limbs to lash out, to flow out of him until muscles aching, mind not nearly numb enough, he succumbed to the despair once again and sank back into his grief.

All that she had done for them all that she had given up, all was lost…There was no hope, no plan to fix it; making every word he had spoken to her a lie, in his mind.

A plan to make all of this right…How could he ever make this right, when nothing would ever be right again?

The tears came then, the bitter ache in his chest, his gut, pushing out, flowing with force as they scalded a path down his cheeks. He would never cry like this again, he knew this. Once this was over, this out pouring of emotion, something will have been lost. He will have lost a part of himself that only she could have helped him retain, it was only Sara that had kept him sane in all this…Only Sara…

"Wait for me, Sara…It won't always be like this…In this place."

A promise spoken…A promise broken…

Head bowed low, tears hitting sweat stained tee he sank deeper…His despair a welcoming embrace in this cold hard place of heat, sweat and pain.

From somewhere off in the distance attempting to draw him back, "We gotta do this, Michael…We gotta do this!"

LJ...

If he didn't do what they wanted they were going to kill his nephew, another innocent, another person who was unlucky enough to know him, unlucky enough to be made unwittingly a part of his plan…

Reigning back in; forcing movement into his tired limbs, "Just a little while longer, just a little more and it will all be over," the mantra that got him moving again, planning again.

Smiling bitterly Michael eased up, the scraping of his back along the concrete wall eliciting little response, he barely even felt it. What was mere physical pain when your heart had been torn out, stepped on and left to beat for another's means?

His mind now moving, he placed his rage aside, but only until this was over, only until he found the right place, the right face, only until he found the one deserving of his rage. When he found the person responsible, when the time was right, only then would he unleash it…

And then there would be hell to pay…

How much pain can one man take, how much before it over rides his sense of what is right, makes him something he once feared he would become, before he gave up such luxuries… 

(Chapter End Notes:)

This hurt so much to write, because I don't want Michael to be the revenge seeking machine he is ultimately going to become. 8( 

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